6 Tactics for Introverts to Tame the Overthinking Mind
When I worked in corporate, they'd do some sort of restructuring every few years, resulting in layoffs. These layoffs always targeted the people who had been at the company for a long time (like me!)
My biggest fear was losing my job and my income. Every time layoffs happened, it would trigger this threat to my security and my deepest fears. So, I'd wake up in the middle of the night terrified about what I'd do if I lost my job. I became obsessive over the possibility, even though I knew it wasn't something I could control, and all I could do was ensure I was providing value by doing a good job.
After years of feeling terrified, in September 2021, my biggest fear became my reality.
The company where I had worked for half my life (23 years!) laid me off, along with hundreds of others. But, despite imagining the worst-case scenario for years, none of my fear stories became my reality!
I had spent years overthinking this situation, what it would mean, what would happen, how I'd respond, what might happen, etc. Yet, none of that thinking prevented it from happening nor influenced what came after I wrapped up my last days on the job.
Overthinking is obsessive thinking, and it happens to everyone from time to time. But, for some, it's a recurring event that hampers their ability to make decisions and move forward on even the smallest things in life. And for introverts, overthinking tends to be a package deal with their quieter nature.
Let’s talk about ‘overthinking’…
To put it simply, overthinking is thinking about a specific topic, situation, etc., for longer than is necessary or helpful; in other words, obsessing over something beyond the point of usefulness.
Everyone overthinks from time to time; it's part of being a human. But, for others, overthinking is routine and becomes a trap.
Overthinking can impact all angles of thinking...
Reviewing the past: Overthinking past actions or situations can prevent you from moving forward. You might catch yourself thinking: "I should've done XYZ instead!", "Why did I do that?", "What do they think of me for doing that?", "If only I could go back and not say what I said!", "Did I make a mistake? Was there something I should've done differently?"
Living in the present: When you overthink what's happening in the present, you tend to do this by habit because it gives your brain something to do. You might focus on your current financial state, your relationships, what your coworkers are thinking of your presentation or project, etc. Or, you might target yourself (i.e., your body, what you're wearing, etc.). In these situations, you might find yourself thinking: "Do I need to speak up more in this meeting? Or will my coworkers then think I'm trying to show off?", "Should I go talk to Aunt Betty, or will my cousins think I'm just trying to get on her good side?", "Did I add too much salt to roasted veggies? Maybe I should've steamed them instead of roasting them!"
Considering the Future: Overthinking future actions or situations tends to happen when you don't want to make a mistake, are worried about what others will think of you, or are unsure of the outcome or the impact of the result. When this is happening, you might find yourself thinking: "What should I wear to the interview? Pants? Dress? Skirt? I don't know which one will make the best impression!", "What if no one shows up for my event? What will others think? What can I do??"; "Should we go on vacation in the sprint of the fall? What if I make the wrong choice?"
When your mind gets caught in the swirl of overthinking, it keeps you out of action and reinforces your self-doubts. Underneath the surface, it erodes your trust in yourself, weakens your confidence, and encourages you to look externally for guidance or for someone to decide for you. Which means you're placing your authority on others.
Looking to others to validate a decision before you settle on something or to make the decision for you means you avoid taking accountability for your own choices. If something goes wrong, you have someone else to blame.
Before considering actions to minimize overthinking, it helps to understand what causes overthinking...
So, what causes overthinking?
While some overthinking may be a symptom of conditions needing the assistance of a professional (i.e., depression, anxiety, etc.), this isn't the case for everyone.
For some, overthinking has simply become a habit you slip into because you're used to thinking this way in certain situations. However, Overthinking keeps you out of action, so what underlies it, in many cases, is tied to:
Uncertainty and the unknown: The mind wants to try to account for all possible scenarios, and since you can't possibly know which will be the outcome, you get stuck in imagining all and trying to solve all of them before deciding because you're seeking certainty. The human brain is wired to lean toward the worst-case scenario, and this tendency feeds uncertainty, which fuels overthinking to try to avoid the uncertainty.
Perfectionism: For perfectionists, overthinking is tied to not wanting to make a mistake or making the "wrong" decision. You want to ensure you're making the "right" decision, but there isn't always a guarantee of what's right. If you had that certainty, you'd be able to make a quick decision.
Fears around success, failure, or judgment from others: If there are underlying fears around what happens after you take action, your mind will do what it can to stop you from putting yourself in those situations. For some, this fires off the tendency to overthink.
Lack of confidence: If your self-esteem is low, you might be more prone to obsess over whatever you feel is lacking. Your mind wants to prevent others from seeing what you perceive are limitations, so you appear more confident than you feel. But, in doing so, you reinforce these negative opinions of yourself.
But why do introverts tend to overthink?
Studies show that in comparing brain activity between introverts and extroverts, introverts consistently show more brain activity than extroverts (this applies to when introverts are engaged in an activity, resting, or recharging).
With so much ongoing activity, it's not surprising that introverts show a stronger tendency for overthinking than extroverts.
Other studies have shown that the specific areas of the brain responsible for overthinking (the frontal cortex and Broca's area) are more active in introverts than extroverts. The frontal cortex is the brain's decision-making, problem-solving, and planning center. Broca's area is where all the self-talk you hear flying through your head originates.
6 tactics to tame the overthinking mind…
TACTIC 1 | TAKE A BREAK (OR A BREATH)
When I feel my brain start to go into overdrive, I recognize it as a sign to pause and take a deep breath. It feels like opening the windows and allowing fresh air to blow away the dust and cobwebs. Taking slow deep breaths also activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which alerts the brain that it's safe and helps to calm any racing thoughts or anxiety. If that doesn't do the trick, I step away from whatever is causing my overthinking to focus on something else. Then, when my mind is clear, I return to the task, and in many cases, I find I can think more clearly.TACTIC 2 | PLAY "THIS OR THAT"
If you're overthinking and can't make a decision, it helps to limit yourself to two options. I call this the "This or That" game, and it's my go-to with my overthinking clients! So when you find your mind swirling as you're stuck in inaction, catch yourself, then give yourself TWO options - you can choose THIS or THAT - then pick ONE.TACTIC 3 | GIVE YOURSELF A TIME FRAME
Part of the overthinking mind's plan is to keep you out of action; when you get caught in that trap, it can stretch for extended periods. Another powerful strategy is giving yourself a time limit to decide. When you catch yourself overthinking every scenario or cataloging all the "what-ifs," give yourself a time limit to make a decision and then stick to that! Maybe you tell yourself I will make a decision by 5:00 pm, then when the clock hits 5:00, honor yourself and pick something.TACTIC 4 | FLIP THE SCRIPT
This is also a fave tool that I love to use with my clients! When you hear the mind shouting all the "what if's," flip the script from a negative/scary outcome to something positive. For example, if your mind says something like, "But, what if I decide to invest the money in that program, and then I hate it?", replace that thought with something more empowering like "What if I decide to invest money in that program and I love it even more than I imagine?". This is particularly helpful when the overthinking kicks in after you've made your choice and the mind wants you to second-guess your decision!TACTIC 5 | BRAIN DUMP
When caught in the vortex, grab a notebook or scrap piece of paper and write down every single thought that's flying around in your brain about whatever it is you're obsessing over. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Then, set it aside and do something else. After your brain returns to neutral, return to your list and evaluate each of your statements by asking yourself:- How true is this?
- Does this really matter in the big picture?
- What's a different way of thinking about this (i.e., flip the script)?
A lot of times, when you see all the mental drama on paper when you're in a neutral state, you'll be able to see how untrue most (if not all!) the concerns are, and you'll be able to sift through the non-helpful thoughts to see what's really true for you. Over time, you may even spot themes in your overthinking mind, which will help you shut it down faster in the future.
TACTIC 6 | MAKE A PLAN
What could happen from a not-so-awesome perspective underlies a lot of overthinking. These thoughts can be seen as helpful if you look at them as clues as to where you feel unprepared or where you're lacking confidence. Use that as a vehicle to put a plan in place if those worst-case scenarios were to play out. In the vast majority of cases, they won't, but if you have a plan in place, the mind will feel more at ease, and the overthinking will lessen so you can make a more informed decision.When I was terrified of losing my job, what finally allowed me to stop obsessing over it was to consider what I'd do if that happened. As a result, I could see that my biggest fear of losing my home if I lost my income wouldn't happen because I could identify a way to prevent that from happening. That insight helped lessen my fears, which calmed my mind and alleviated much of the overthinking.
To honor yourself, your health, and your needs, take a look at the list of ideas above and jot down a few that appeal to you the most. Then brainstorm ideas that light you up, make you feel refreshed, and bring you joy. Finally, add those to the list.
Once you have your list, it's time to integrate these into your daily life! Give yourself permission to prioritize yourself and sprinkle these into your life on a regular, routine basis.
Overthinking can feel like a never-ending cycle where what you're seeking (clarity and certainty) only seems to get farther and farther out of reach. However, while introverts have innate tendencies that lead to overthinking, you have the power to take back control of the mind to take a more active role in your life.