Introversion is not Something You Need to Overcome
Listen up, introverts! Being an introvert isn't bad, and you don't need to strive to be more extroverted.
One of my biggest pet peeves is hearing introverts think they're being extroverted in situations where they feel more confident! This bugs me because it implies introversion is a weakness that needs overcoming. And nothing could be further from the truth!
Recently, I was on a group call with a mix of introverts and extroverts. The topic of introversion/extroversion came up, and one woman said that when she's on Zoom calls, she's very "extroverted," but when she's at in-person gatherings, she's "introverted."
She was implying that on Zoom, she felt more like herself. She's more comfortable, which makes her more talkative and engaging with others. But, when she's attending an event in person, she feels more awkward and not as confident, so she struggles with being talkative and engaging.
I think that's something ALL introverts can relate to, right?
BUT! This is not being more introverted versus extroverted!
This is simply being confident versus unconfident! Comfortable versus uncomfortable!
Introversion is about where you source your energy. When you're in situations that require less of your energy, you're more open, confident, and comfortable.
When this woman is on Zoom calls, she's still an introvert! She still needs time to recharge afterward. She's just in a more comfortable environment where she can relax and be herself.
Confidence as an Introvert
Many introverts mistakenly believe that in a situation where they feel comfortable speaking freely - they're being more "extroverted."
But, that's not the case.
Introversion has nothing to do with how much you talk or how comfortable you feel talking around others. Your ability to chat with others confidently comes from your confidence in yourself. And, yes, your introversion may impact your confidence, but it does not control your confidence.
I know plenty of introverts that can comfortably talk with strangers and feel confident in doing so, but they're not faking it as an extrovert.
If you struggle with this, your confidence in your ability to talk with others is what needs attention, not your introversion!
How Your Energy Impacts Your Confidence
Introversion is all about where you source your energy.
When it comes to being around others, here are a few things that drain the energy of introverts:
Being around too many people for too long
Being put in the spotlight and having to think on your feet
Having to engage in small talk
Feeling pressured to think of things to say
Feeling self-conscious about not being more talkative or the "life of the party"
When you're around others for too long, you can feel like you're in a fish tank, leaving you feeling very exposed. So, it takes a LOT of your energy to be visible for an extended period.
This is particularly true when you're around people you don't know well.
Whereas, when you're around people you're comfortable with (friends, family, close co-workers, etc.), it's a different ball game!
You can be in their presence for a LOT longer before you feel drained. You don't feel as vulnerable and exposed. You can easily talk and share your thoughts without feeling pressured to think about something - it just flows effortlessly.
When you're with people who know you and enjoy being with, there's no small talk, and you're comfortable being you. You feel accepted for who you are, and you're not worried about being judged for being you.
Many introverts will say that when they're with their close friends, they're more "extroverted," but that's not true! You will still hit a point where you need to tap out and be on your own to recharge.
Being comfortable and confident requires a LOT less energy, so you're more open and dynamic. It's where you feel comfortable being you. But that does not mean you're an extrovert in those situations!
Embracing a New Reality as an Introvert
My mission is to help introverts better understand what it means to be an introvert so they can fully accept, love, and embody this integral part of themselves!
It reinforces this mistaken idea that introversion is bad and something that needs to be overcome.
When you understand introversion's nuances, you better understand how your energy impacts your experiences (so you can honor and protect it!) AND you're more open to learning how to do things in a way that amplifies your quieter nature...without having to fake it as an extrovert!
So, can we all agree to stop attributing confidence to extroversion and awkwardness to introversion?