3 Steps to Stop Using Your Introversion as an Excuse to Hide
Being introverted has influenced all areas of my life.
I didn't understand why I was so "different" from the other kids as a kid. I was much quieter, didn't want any attention directed my way, and struggled to socialize in big groups. As a result, I felt awkward and uncomfortable, and on many occasions, I felt utterly invisible to those around me.
I wished, more than anything, that I could become more outgoing like the popular kids in my class. I wanted to be seen but also feared the spotlight. I wanted to be included but also felt exhausted from having to be "on" all the time.
As I grew up, like all good introverts, I learned how to shove my introverted nature behind my extroverted mask to fit in and get ahead in the world.
But, as I navigated my 30s and 40s, I began to see a new opportunity - a new way to be myself without having to wear that mask.
In exploring that path, I discovered how often I leaned into all the conditioning that told me who I should be (more outgoing and social), and subsequently used my introversion as an excuse to keep me in my comfort zone.
My journey to shedding the fake-extrovert mask...
In my 20s, I didn't want my bar-crawling, party-hopping coworker friends to know that I much preferred a Friday night at home with some take-out and a good book (or movie!). So, I'd join them after work and follow along while counting the hours until I could escape home to the quiet sanctity of my bedroom.
In my 30s, I started accepting my introverted nature when the never-ending socializing simmered down when everyone moved away, married off, or had kids.
With space to be myself without judgment, I started to embrace who I was and how I showed up in the world. I also began prioritizing what I needed and intentionally designed my life to align with those needs.
These changes set me up for learning to like myself on a deeper level. In addition, it helped me to speak up for myself as my confidence in myself strengthened.
But, after years of prioritizing my introverted needs and dropping the fake-extrovert mask, I noticed things I wanted to do that I wasn't simply because I'd tell myself, "I'm an introvert, so I can't do that." I leaned into that excuse without realizing it for years. Eventually, I caught myself and called B.S. on those automatic dismissals!
As I unraveled my stories about why I couldn't do certain things because I'm introverted, I came face to face with all the conditioning that bombards us daily as introverts.
I didn't question what I believed I couldn't do because it didn't feel negotiable; it felt like reality.
Once I shined a light on the beliefs that were keeping me on the sidelines of the life I wanted to be living, I was able to start exploring how I could do whatever I wanted!
What I found is that when I believed I couldn't do something because I'm introverted, it was because of two reasons:
It was simply what I'd been told and never thought to question
The actions I needed to take aligned with what works for extroverts, not introverts
So, I believed there was only one way to do something and that it wasn't something available to me.
With that insight, I could see how misguided all that conditioning is! Because introversion doesn't prevent introverts from doing anything!
Since there is a celebratory focus on extrovert ideals, a strong dose of social conditioning defines what's acceptable. Unfortunately, given the subconscious societal preference for the more outgoing personality types, introverts have been conditioned to believe their very nature needs fixing, or they need to strive to overcome their quiet nature to become more extroverted.
As a result, many introverts unconsciously use their introversion as an excuse to avoid getting uncomfortable and ultimately expand their life experiences.
When you drop the excuse, you open yourself to a new way of being that aligns with YOU, which provides freedom to take off the extrovert mask. This makes life so much easier because you can do things your way...the Introvert Way.
So, let's look at these introvert excuses in more detail so you can detach yourself from that conditioning and explore what's actually true for you.
The excuses that allow you to hide behind your introversion…
You might be wondering what are some of these excuses introverts use to hide behind the "I'm an introvert, so I can't do..." curtain, right?
As a coach for introverts, I always hear variations of these excuses! I see it on social media and read about it in the introvert groups I belong to on Facebook.
A big one I hear in the entrepreneurial space is, "I can't do videos, or lives, because I'm an introvert."
I also hear, "I can't network because I'm an introvert." (If that's you, then be sure to check out my Top 10 Networking Survival Tips for Introverts tip sheet!)
Beyond biz owners, I've coached clients through the belief that they can't find a happy relationship because being an introvert prevents them from meeting new people.
I've heard introverts say they can't do public speaking, which isn't true (Barack Obama is an introvert, and regardless of politics, he's an influential and impactful speaker!).
But, these introvert-rooted rebuttals to stepping outside your comfort zone are nothing more than excuses! Excuses mask your fears and doubts, which allows you to separate from those fears and not take accountability for actions that can eliminate the doubts and prove the fears wrong.
The excuses allow you to believe you're incapable of doing something because if that's true, you're off the hook for getting uncomfortable and finding your own way.
When it comes to taking action in your life, there are two types of subconscious permission slips you give yourself...
Those that push you out of your comfort zone and allow you to grow
Those that keep you within your comfort zone and allow you to hide and stay stagnant
The introvert-based excuses are automatic permission slips to stay in your safe corner and not venture into anything uncomfortable.
But, this does a huge disservice to introverts because it paints your innate wiring as a problem! It reinforces doubts and insecurities and damages your trust in yourself.
So, what do you do if you're now recognizing that you're employing some introvert-rooted excuses to avoid growing in new directions in your life?
3 Steps to Stop Using your Introversion as an Excuse to Hide…
STEP 1: AWARENESS
The first step to dropping the excuses is becoming aware of when you do this! Pay attention to where you believe you are limited because of your quiet, introverted nature. Listen for the automatic "But, I can't..." inner rebuttal when faced with something new and potentially uncomfortable. You can also explore your general beliefs about what you think is or isn't possible for introverts.STEP 2: CHOOSE DIFFERENTLY
Once you know your tendency to hide behind this curtain, you must choose a different response. Instead of blindly believing that you can't do something, pause and tap into your curiosity. Ask yourself if that's true. Then, consider alternative ways to take action that would feel more aligned for you. That doesn't mean it still won't feel uncomfortable, but it doesn't need to feel out of alignment!STEP 3: GET COMFORTABLE WITH DISCOMFORT
I believe the comfort zone is the zone of genius for most introverts, but that doesn't mean you never step beyond those walls! If you stay in your comfort zone for too long, the walls will start to crowd around you, and you shrink. You must be bold and courageous enough to occasionally embrace discomfort and step outside those walls to grow your skills as you enjoy new experiences. As you engage in new activities, your discomfort will lessen as your confidence grows. In time, what was once uncomfortable slides into your comfort zone and expands the walls. This is how you continue to grow throughout life! Be willing to give yourself permission to do that!By finding your way to do things that don't contradict your introverted nature, you'll begin to see that your introversion does not limit you. In fact, your introverted tendencies are where you find your Superpower!
When you lean into your introverted gifts, you'll find that you're limitless and can do anything you desire!
Need help with this? This is what I help my clients embody! Schedule a complimentary connection call to explore how I can help you accept, embrace, and embody who you're here to be so that you Quietly Thrive, Unapologetically!