3 Types of Boundaries Every Introvert Needs
Boundaries are one of those essential life skills that I feel we have to learn "on the job." No one teaches us how to speak up for ourselves or even get clear with ourselves on when to speak up for ourselves!.
It can feel challenging to confront someone with a request that feels aligned with you but might not be for them.
But, for so many, it's easier to stay quiet and figure out a way to just deal with it, right?
This is something I spent YEARS learning to do! I grew up with an overbearing father who believed it was his way or the highway. There was no room for expressing your needs or desires; if you did and they contradicted with him, it'd ignite his temper.
So, I learned to devalue my needs, opinions, desires, etc. I learned to hide, keep the peace, and focus on everyone else's experiences over mine.
When it comes to creating and establishing boundaries, the starting point isn't actually what to say or how to say it. It's believing that you are worth it and that you have a right to expect others to not overstep and take more from you than you have to give.
Today, I want to dive into why it's so important to set boundaries (especially for introverts!) and share 3 essential types of boundaries all introverts need firmly in place for their well-being. Once you have insight into the why and the what, I want to share a few tips to inspire you to create a few boundaries of your own!
Why setting boundaries is so important for introverts…
Setting boundaries is about caring for your needs and giving space for your desires.
Too often, external conditioning leads us to believe that taking time for ourselves or putting ourselves first is selfish (especially for women!). But taking care of your health and maintaining a sustainable energy level is NOT selfish. Likewise, prioritizing things that bring you joy and happiness is NOT selfish.
Every human is entitled to self-care and self-love.
You can create space to do this for yourself without sacrificing the care and attention of others.
In Part 1 of the Setting Boundaries for Introverts 4-part series, I explained why introverts need to set boundaries. In a nutshell, our society honors how extroverts thrive (and recharge!), NOT introverts.
Setting boundaries is a gift to yourself and others in your life. These boundaries essentially create a "guidebook" on how others treat you and what you're available to give.
3 essential types of boundaries all introverts need for their well-being…
While you can establish boundaries in multiple areas of your life, there are 3 specific areas to be key for introverts.
If you're new to boundaries and unsure where to start, I'd recommend playing with these areas first to establish a solid foundation for your well-being.
ONE: PROTECT AND RECHARGE YOUR ENERGY
Introverts gain energy by spending time alone, whereas extroverts recharge by spending time with others. However, given that society is heavily focused on socializing and being around others, it can be challenging for an introvert to find the space to recharge their inner batteries.This is why I believe the #1 area where introverts need to implement boundaries is to protect their energy, so they have the space to recharge.
If you don't find time to spend alone, several things happen:
Some examples of boundaries you may need to implement:
If you struggle with managing your energy as an introvert, be sure to download my free Introvert’s Guide to Energy Management workbook to guide you through understanding your energy and creating a sustainable energy plan!
TWO: PLAY AND CREATIVE TIME
Introverts tend to be very creative, and due to our desire to spend time alone to recharge, many introverts have (or would like to have!) hobbies they enjoy.Tapping into this creative flow of energy is another facet of recharging your energy, which ties to the prior focus area. When you allow yourself the space to enjoy your hobbies, be creative, or do those things that will enable you to lose all track of time, you lean into your introverted spirit.
This not only refuels you but also reinforces your gifts and strengths (which boosts your confidence!).
If you don't give yourself time to play and be creative consistently, you risk falling into a routine where you just go through the motions. So, you miss out on igniting that light that helps you bust through the mundane and feel joy in the small moments.
Some examples of boundaries you might need:
THREE: LISTENING TO OTHERS
One of the many assets and gifts of introverts is our ability to listen to others. Because introverts don't tend to dominate conversations and prefer to listen and get to know others, we listen on a deeper level.Good listening skills are a gift to those in our life! But deeper listening requires greater energy, so if you're not careful, friends and family may unintentionally abuse this beautiful gift.
Without boundaries around this area, you may end up on the receiving end of emotional unloading and end up energetically drained as a result (ask me how I know! 😉).
Some examples of boundaries you may need to set:
These boundaries can feel particularly tricky to establish since you don't want to hurt someone in your life who confides in you. Also, if you've allowed this for a long time, it can feel uncomfortable to speak up and change the relationship dynamic. But, if they love and care for you, they'll understand and work with you to support your energetic needs.
Tips to create your own boundaries…
If you're new to setting boundaries, you may need to figure out where you need to establish some in your life!
My #1 tip to get clarity on whether you need boundaries is to pay attention to where you feel ongoing or frequent resentment, frustration, or anger.
These are sure-fire signs that a boundary is being crossed or not established (and these boundaries may be with others or yourself! 😉).
Once you identify the areas where you're experiencing these feelings, take some time to explore this from a few angles:
Why are you feeling this way?
How long have you been feeling this way?
What would you prefer to feel?
What would need to happen for you to feel this way instead of anger, frustration, or resentment?
Once you have more clarity around what needs boundaries, why, and what you would prefer instead, it's time to write those boundaries and communicate them with those impacted.
If you need help communicating your new boundaries, check out Part 3 of the Setting Boundaries for Introverts 4-part series!
In the meantime, if you'd like some help exploring areas where you may be lacking boundaries, I invite you to schedule a complimentary 1:1 Introvert Awareness & Expansion call! In this call, we'll explore your introverted gifts, and what's blocking you from the life you desire (likely involves the need for some of these boundaries! 😉). We'll also explore how we can work together!