How to Communicate & Enforce Boundaries
As I've shared in the first two parts of the Setting Boundaries for Introverts 4-part series, boundaries are essential to life.
Everyone needs boundaries, but many struggle to identify, communicate, and enforce those needed protections.
In part 1, I shared why it's SO essential for introverts to have boundaries, and in part 2 I shared the three types of boundaries every introvert needs (and how to create your own!). Today, I want to take the conversation further and talk about one of the most complex parts of setting boundaries: communicating and enforcing your boundaries.
This is where many people stop dead in their tracks because they don't want to appear selfish or wonder how they can start "changing the rules" in an established relationship. So, if that's you, read on for some much-needed insight and inspiration!
What are boundaries and why they're so crucial for introverts...
Setting boundaries is about caring for your needs and giving space for your desires.
Sadly, our society likes us to believe that taking time for ourselves is selfish. Many women mistakenly believe that to be loved and be seen as a "good" mom, wife, sister, daughter, etc., they have to be selfless.
So, it's no surprise that setting boundaries for your well-being aren't something many people feel comfortable implementing in their lives. No one learns how to do this, so it can feel so uncomfortable that we don't even try.
But the cost of not setting boundaries is your own happiness, health, and well-being!
And that doesn't mean it's at the expense of what you do for others; it's simply introducing a bit more balance, or harmony, into your life (and knowing you're worth it!).
This is even more important for introverts because modern society prizes extrovert ideals, so it's not designed to align with how introverts need to recharge.
This is why I'm sharing a 4-part series on Setting Boundaries for Introverts.
How to communicate boundaries with others…
Identifying where you need boundaries and creating them is the first step (check out Part 2 of the series for more details on this!). But, the most challenging part of the boundary-setting process is communicating them to the people currently overstepping those boundaries.
Some people may not have any problem speaking up once they become aware of missing boundaries, but for many, this is where they lose steam and give up.
Before you embark on having these conversations, it pays to spend some time doing a little work on yourself, so when you do speak up, you're doing so from a place of confidence.
Use your journal to explore what feels difficult and why you may feel you're not worthy of having these (potentially) difficult conversations
Talk with your therapist or coach to work through those challenges and shore up your confidence
Establish a daily practice of boosting your confidence and self-worth, so it becomes a no-brainer to have these conversations
Take time to clarify why these boundaries are important and what you expect from others going forward. You'll want to share these key points in your conversations to put your boundaries in place.
Practice saying them to yourself, so it feels much more natural to say them to someone else. Try practicing the conversation with a trusted friend (who is not one of the people who needs the boundary!).
When you have the conversation, one important thing to remember is to NOT apologize for setting these boundaries. You don't need to apologize for expecting others to respect you and your needs.
Finally, be open to their feedback or opinions. That doesn't mean that you need to change your boundaries or back down, but since your boundaries will impact them, it's important that they feel they can air their concerns. But your boundaries are still valid despite their reservations.
How to enforce boundaries…
In a perfect world, once you speak up and share your boundaries with others, they immediately respect and follow your wishes. But we live in an imperfect world, right?
Now that you know the signs of having a boundary crossed - anger, resentment, frustration - you'll be more attuned to when that happens.
In many cases, your people will respect your wishes, but there may be times when habit overshadows intention, and they fall into former actions (or expectations). If it happens once or twice, this isn't necessarily intentional because they're learning too. It could simply be a new habit that needs reinforcing. So gently remind them, but don't apologize for your boundaries or justify your need for them.
But, if your boundaries are ignored repeatedly, you may be dealing with someone who lacks respect for you or views their needs as more important than yours. In these situations, if reminding them isn't doing the trick, you may need to limit their interactions.
If it's someone that you can't avoid, you may need to limit what you share with them (i.e., if you have asked your mom not to be pessimistic about new things in your life, you may have to limit what you share with her), or consider other ways to ensure your needs are being met.
Boundaries are a necessary part of establishing healthy relationships with yourself and others. It can feel uncomfortable to speak up for yourself, but you are your best advocate at the end of the day! So stand tall in your conviction, remind yourself that you're worth it, and grow your confidence to honor what you need to thrive.
Coming up next, in Part 4 of the Setting Boundaries for Introverts 4-part series, I’ll share why having boundaries is so important for building confidence as an introvert!
If you need help establishing boundaries and communicating them effectively, I'm here to help! Schedule your complimentary Introvert Awareness & Expansion call,, where we'll explore your gifts as an introvert, what's getting in the way of the life you desire (which will definitely involve a lack of those boundaries! 😉), and what may help you show up in a more empowered way. We'll also explore options for working together if you peeled called to do so.