Having confidence is something that a lot of people struggle with, right?

Confidence is one of those things that's an inside job.

What I mean by that is no one else can make you believe in yourself! Only you can do that!

But, it can feel challenging to feel that deep sense of unshakeable confidence when a lifetime of extrovert-biased conditioning leaves you believing that being an introvert is a disadvantage or something you need to overcome (it's NOT!).

As I've shared in the first two parts of the Setting Boundaries for Introverts 4-part series, boundaries are essential to life.

Everyone needs boundaries, but many struggle to identify, communicate, and enforce those needed protections.

In part 1, I shared why it's SO essential for introverts to have boundaries, and in part 2 I shared the three types of boundaries every introvert needs (and how to create your own!). Today, I want to take the conversation further and talk about one of the most complex parts of setting boundaries: communicating and enforcing your boundaries.

Boundaries are one of those essential life skills that I feel we have to learn "on the job." No one teaches us how to speak up for ourselves or even get clear with ourselves on when to speak up for ourselves!

It can feel challenging to confront someone with a request that feels aligned with you but might not be for them.

But, for so many, it's easier to stay quiet and figure out a way to just deal with it, right?

Setting boundaries is an exercise that many find challenging. It's not always easy to stand up for yourself when it feels like you might upset or let down others. But, neglecting to establish guardrails around what's important to you or how you deserve to be treated means you're upsetting and letting yourself down.

You are not less worthy than others, so your needs deserve to be protected!

For introverts, it can feel extra challenging to set boundaries because most shy away from conflict and because conditioning has led you to believe your introvert-based needs are unacceptable or unnecessary.

I talk a lot about how societal conditioning favors the extrovert ideal and puts introverts on the defense for their entire lives (well, until they become wise to what's happening and take matters into their own hands!).

For most introverts, feeling like they are at a disadvantage, that it's easier for extroverts, or that there's only one way to be successful in this world are all manifestations of this conditioning.

And if you believe any of those to be true, guess what you end up doing?

Every introvert I've spoken with over the years has one very key thing in common...

They spend most of their childhood and early adulthood believing something was wrong with them or that they were weird because they didn't enjoy the same level of socializing and attention-seeking as their peers.

Schools don't directly teach the concepts of introversion and extroversion. Indirectly, however, it's a different story.

There is a LOT of misunderstanding and misconceptions about what it means to be introverted. This misunderstanding creates a circle where the misconceptions fuel the misunderstanding, and the misunderstanding fuels the misconceptions.

Being introverted has influenced all areas of my life.

I didn't understand why I was so "different" from the other kids as a kid. I was much quieter, didn't want any attention directed my way, and struggled to socialize in big groups. As a result, I felt awkward and uncomfortable, and on many occasions, I felt utterly invisible to those around me.

Gilmore Girls is one of my favorite shows because I adore the small-town charm and quick banter between the characters.

Since I live near the towns that inspired the fictional town of Stars Hollow, I always felt connected to the show and characters. However, in most of the episodes, I resonant the most with Rory (except the final season when it completely went off the rails, but that's a different story for another day!).

In one particular episode, the story showcases how misunderstood introverts are and how misaligned expectations prevent them from thriving.

Introversion gets a bad rap.

Society has a deep misunderstanding of what it means to be introverted, which means there's a TON of misguided social conditioning that reinforces this lack of understanding.

So, if you're an introvert, it can feel challenging to see it as something that's actually a good thing! In fact, many introverts see it as a disadvantage and something they need to overcome (which is SO not true!).

As introverts, accepting our quiet nature and independent spirits can be challenging. But unfortunately, society tends to misunderstand what it means to be an introvert and paints the picture of being an introvert as a lot more gloomy than the reality.

Being an introvert is actually an amazing way to be!

I'm a hardcore introvert, and I LOVE my independent nature and the fact that I thoroughly enjoy my own company. I love my insatiable curiosity and desire to get to know others on a deeper level. And I think it's incredibly cool that my quiet nature tends to make others feel calm.

Feeling confident as an introvert can feel challenging when you've spent your life bombarded with the message that your very nature isn't in line with what's preferred by our extrovert-biased society.

Because of misguided external conditioning, many introverts spend their lives pretending to be more extroverted because they believe that will get them ahead.

But, spending your energy trying to be something you're not is rooted in a lack of confidence.

Recently, I was researching topics about introversion. Knowing a lot of introverts feel introversion is something they need to overcome (it's not!), I googled the phrase "how to overcome introversion."

Over 700,000 results returned, with ALL advising you to speak up more, be more social, don't spend so much time on your own (or at home), etc.

As I scanned the articles, I became angry! These misguided writers were advising introverts to go against their very nature! This is the exact opposite of what introverts need to do!

Listen up, introverts! Being an introvert isn't bad, and you don't need to strive to be more extroverted.

One of my biggest pet peeves is hearing introverts think they're being extroverted in situations where they feel more confident! This bugs me because it implies introversion is a weakness that needs overcoming. And nothing could be further from the truth!